Relationships

Relationships are funny things. They require a lot of energy from me. But even though I am pretty darn introverted, I am a human being, so relationships are vital to who I am.

At Mass this morning I was reviewing the landscape of my relationships right now, and I found all sorts of odd and conflicting feelings arising as I reviewed. Because the Steubenville for Liberty meeting is coming up tomorrow night I am once again very aware of the crowd of strangers that I have recently welcomed into my life. This is a political education and activism group that I am facilitating as an offshoot of the local Tea Party I organized in the spring. Just one of the many ways that this endeavor is striking to me is that in the past I tended to think that I was only comfortable interacting with people who thought like I do. This gave me a pretty good excuse to eschew or reject a lot of people on the suspicion that, in fact, they were not me. This group of folks throws me in with lots of people that I know for certain are not me. But through them I've learned that I have changed, and that I can respect and have affection for people with whom I have all sorts of different ideas and motivations. It's funny to discover this in a group that is sort of based on the premise of like-minded people coming together.

Politics is weird, too. I am motivated by going to the root of issues with people and judging how to live, how to be, how to think in light of what is there. I am not so motivated by trying to push and shove for power in society. I am allergic to paranoia and fear-mongering. I do, however, believe that many aspects of our government are actually far worse than most people suspect. But at heart, I know that what empowers us to live in the face of these realities is the encounter with Christ. And as completely "daisy on a field of tanks" as it feels, I realize I am called to bring the presence of Christ to this crowd of strangers, and witness to His presence that I find there. So, it's about relationships, even though I feel weak and vulnerable both in myself and against the political landscape. That's one weird set of feelings I encountered this morning.

Then, I think about the relationships that just make me happy. I was struck with the realization that whether I try to frantically grasp these close to me out of insecurity or whether I sort of neglect them and take them for granted or just lack gratitude for them, these relationships are gifts that I did not create or give myself. Yes, I know that for a relationship to be so I need to take a part. I have a lot of experience at not picking up the receiver on friendships. But I did not give myself my husband, my children, my parish, my friends, those who call me to cling to Christ. The antidote to the strange mixture of anxieties I felt this morning is simple: gratitude. It all comes from God's hand. I'm guessing because I'm having trouble embracing with gratitude feeling like a daisy on a field of tanks, I'm also having trouble living in gratitude (and not anxiety) about my other relationships.

Time to pray:

You have no need of our praise, but our desire to thank you is itself your gift. Our thanks adds nothing to your greatness, but helps us grow in your grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen. Help me, Lord, to grow in your grace by the gift of gratitude.