Somehow I sense my blog becoming more and more the place where I scribble my thoughts that I need to come back and think through more later. But hey, a pretense of having fully-formed thoughts is just that -- a pretense. Besides, it's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to.
Today in our diocese, two men were ordained priests. The City Choir (which is my parish's choir plus three other singers) provided the choirizing, so I was there. The gospel was from John 10, that same passage that I was pondering over here.
Let me just interrupt that thought to say I notice the liturgy becoming like an on-going conversation. There is design, of course, with the selection of readings throughout the liturgical seasons, a progression and all. But it is also an ongoing conversation as I hear one reading, wrestle with it for a while, then hear it again, live some more, etc. I used to think liturgical worship was lifeless and dull. Hah!
The reading today either extended further than it had the Sunday of the previous blogpost, or perhaps it seemed that way because of the gospel I heard read during Mass at the Spiritual Exercises two weeks ago. That Mass included John 15:13: "No greater love has any one than this, that a man lay his life down for his friend." This same concept is spoken of in connection with the Good Shepherd in John 10. It struck me really profoundly when Fr. Alex preached at the Spiritual Exercises on this, because he spoke of "laying down one's life" in the sense of opening one's life for others to see it, to experience it, to share it. This is what it means to be a witness. This is what it means to be a friend, especially in the CL lingo of seeing a Christian friend being one who is a witness, one who brings Christ to another. This made a really significant impact on me when I heard it, and I had even been brewing a blog post just on that, and then today I heard the same concept in the context of the Good Shepherd, contrasted with the one who "works for pay" and cares nothing for the sheep. What is the difference? When am I not the one who "works for pay" but the one who is like the Good Shepherd? When I open my heart to share it with others.
I'll be very honest here. Sometimes I am very open and I will share my heart without flinching. But there are other settings, other times, when it is painfully difficult to do this. This is something I am grappling with right now, and I see that today, in this liturgical conversation, that the Lord is showing me this is really a key to life. It's not like I suppose most people wouldn't say the same, but it's not like I can be satisfied just because my struggle is common.
Partial thought here, but it's time to run!
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