Leadership in Unschooling

Last week I received an email in response to my post on unschooling the creative child in which another creative Catholic mom shared her perspective on the personal benefits of the discipline of school.

I find it pretty exciting when people read my posts with enough attention to have a reply stirred up, and this reply was truly thoughtful and thought-provoking. The exchange brought into focus for me that I have gotten to a point of very low self-consciousness about unschooling. The self-conscious homeschooler does not take her children out during "school hours" for fear of what comments people will make, what questions they will ask. The self-conscious unschooler shies away from conversations with other homeschoolers about "how school is going" or curriculum choices. Now, I don't shy away from these conversations, but I don't engage in them either, just because of the company I tend to keep.

I am incurably serious, so the discussion did stir up in me the inevitable self-review. I had to look at how our reality was matching my ideal of unschooling. I looked at how the desires for learning in my heart were being met by my son's heart. As a Catholic unschooler, I do have a strong desire to see my children grow in virtue, and self-discipline is one of those virtues. So I had to ask myself, does that process really require "school"? Does it require meeting externally imposed requirements, regardless of how I feel about them? What of our goal that we set (which was discussed in the other post)? For the record, the goal was about learning the Japanese syllabary hiragana. It wasn't learning five new sight words in English or something that a school would expect of a 6 year old sort-of 1st grader.

So, after working through my thoughts on the subject I approached my son with my concern, and owned it as such (my concern). I suggested that we experiment with using the concept of a springboard, where each day would work in or start with some time to explore new learning together, with more hands-on direction from me. He could then take this learning and run with it, or run away from it, or whatever he chose to do. Much to my surprise, he was very enthusiastic.

To make a long story short, what I realize was a needed element was not more academic focus, for I really do see that he exercises his mind in what could be classified as academic ways daily. What is needed is a tad stepped up leadership from me. Our day was very peaceful after trying out our springboard, but it was because I had focused my attention on my son, and my daughter, in ways they really desired, helping them to grow. The help as I perceived it was mostly in attending, watching them learn. My son could pick up a book and sit next to me while I research recipes or fold laundry, but that is different from me looking over his shoulder while he reads it out loud. And that is not a difference I was appreciating enough.

Leadership is a strange thing. My son is a natural leader type, and really hates to be directed, instructed, told what to do and how. He has a strong need to figure it out himself. How to lead someone like this? I guess the key is to express validity of what he is doing, in more than words ("good job"). That gives me personal growth and change to focus on, as well.

So I am really grateful for my friend's email that sparked this thought and experience process.