Will to Power

I'm back to pondering power and service again as it pertains to parenting.

I belong to a bunch of yahoo discussion groups and have become scarcer and scarcer on them. This is a re-prioritization project that I feel the Lord has me in the midst of. I've thought: why belong to these groups? Many I joined as support groups for various things from infertility to computer problems. Some are just to chat about things with like-minded people (mostly "Mom's groups"). But, I've thought, why is it important for me to belong to these groups? I think at heart, with most of them at this stage in my life, I want to pass along insights that have helped me that I'd like to see be helpful in others' lives. (One exception would be the Catholic Unschoolers group, which is a place to glean and ponder.)

It kind of boils down to the desire to influence people. This is the sort of thing, I think, that never feels like "enough". Like potato chip eating. (Or soy chip for Type O and A ;)) Then the next step is feeling irked when people are not falling all over my suggestions and raving about how they have changed their lives for the better. Oh, sometimes people will credit me for a step they have taken, and sometimes it makes me feel real good for a moment. But then there has to be that next chip eaten.

So, this just feels like a cycle that isn't doing me that much good. Wanting to have power and influence in people's lives -- in a disordered way -- just isn't good for anyone. But in praying over this, I see that the people God has called me to have influence over primarily are those living under my roof, particularly the little people. And how do I have influence over them? Well, it isn't my lecturing them with all my wonderful ideas. It's by serving them. It's by loving them, being present for them, by being a virtuous example to them, helping them see themselves as God sees them and to encounter others and treat them with the same respect and dignity.

I used to think it would be neat to be a seminary professor. What an honor to have a role in the formation of future priests! What an ego perk for me! But now I realize -- how about the general formation of tiny little minds?! Not just for a few months or a couple years, but for the long-term.

I come back to that gospel again that I wrote about a few months ago . True influence, true power is that ability to be like cellophane through which people encounter God. It is not dominance, coercion, or the desire for adulation or prestige. Mary is like cellophane. Is glass a better metaphore? If you see a cake all wrapped up, you don't say "wow, look at that great wrapping!" You say, oh, that cake looks great.

Hmm.. will have to ponder the cellophane thing a bit. Anyway, influence and power are most potent when not lorded over others, but when God takes the lead and the cellophane is open to following His directive.