Humility

Lately the Holy Spirit seems to be teaching me often about humility. I recall several months ago, while reading Lessons in Love by Anne, a lay apostle, her reference to the litany of humility, below.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
 by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X

At first, when I tried to pray this prayer, I found it actually unpleasant, even painful to pray. Who wants to be "delivered" from the desire of being loved? I thought. Love is what we are made for. I was confused by this.

But over the course of praying the rosary, and especially the third joyful mystery, the birth of Jesus, my divine Tutor began to show me that the Incarnation, which one could look at as Jesus' great act of humility, is the doorway for intimacy with God. All of mankind has longed to see God's face, and in Christ, we do. It is humility that makes intimacy possible.

Long ago my Protestant pastor taught me that pride is self-protection. We are hurt, and in an effort to never be hurt again, we cover ourselves with a hard sort of shell. It works. The hurt stays farther away from our ability to feel. But it has the unintended consequence of its also blocking our ability to feel, to receive, and to give love. Pride is isolating. We are left only with calculated means of responding to others and measuring their response to us. We dam up love's movement to a trickle, and because we are made for love, we are left unsatisfied on a very deep level.

Well, in the last several weeks, I started praying the litany of humility. At first I took it up as a way of interceding for someone else whom I figured needed it more than I did! (Hardy har har.) But very quickly I realized that was not the Holy Spirit's intention. And I also realized that to pray for humility is to pray for a deeper means of receiving and giving love. It is to pray for the means to be more deeply happy and satisfied.

And this is exactly what God wants for us. 

Lately, every time I do something, or think of something I've done, that leaves me feeling vulnerable, embarrassed, foolish or weak, the Holy Spirit reminds me, "There's enough love here to cover that." The fact that God loves me, the fact that He surrounds me with love through people -- it is enough to cover where I am silly. Love is enough that nothing else matters, and it is to Love I must always go.