Memory and Journey

Many years ago, when I had not yet been received into the Church but had begun attending daily Mass, I did not know that February 11th is the feast of our Lady of Lourdes. But I remember arriving for the 5:30pm Mass on that day, and as I prayed beforehand, my mind kept going towards healing. I sensed the Lord desired for me to pray for healing. Then Mass stated and the feast day was mentioned in the prayers and I made the "aha!" connection.

This is just one of the many little memories I have of those days when, due to the dire circumstances of my life -- that of being drawn to the Catholic faith without the benefit of having any real Catholic friends about me -- the Holy Spirit did a lot of interior tutoring within the context of Holy Mass. Daily Mass was my primary catechesis then (Fr. John my primary catechist), and in many ways the liturgy still has this function for me. Thankfully now I am surrounded with friends who are walking the path of discipleship with me.

I've been thinking a lot about my spiritual journey of late because of conversation with an old friend which has come to focus on Protestant/Catholic doctrinal differences. Mostly I am simply amazed. Face to face with the most pure, the most lovely, the most humble, the Almighty God of the universe, for me there is only love. My sin, my pain, my deformation, my arrogant blatherings and mess-makings -- the worst that I could possibly dish out -- all transformed like little dandelion seeds that puff away with one breath of His mouth. His desire is to touch me, to hold me, to dance, to be one: and I -- I am transformed. What can I say but "Lord! I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I shall be healed."

Something I appreciate very much about this aforementioned friend is that there is no need for our conversation to even touch on questions of "how much" the Lord "requires" of us or "whether" the Lord has permission for this, that, or other from either of us. It is a given, for both of us, that the Lord's desire toward us be met with complete, thorough-going abandon. On that point, we have received a formation that is very similar. This gives me great joy. We differ on how we know what the Lord's will is. This causes me some pain, but I entrust the pain and my friend to Our Lord and Our Lady, knowing that it is to his own master than each servant stands or falls (Rom. 14:4)

He has shown thee, oh man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of thee: but to do justice and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God (Micah 6:8)