No, I'm not talking about credit cards here, I'm talking vocation.
This morning I journaled out a little diatribe to my dearest spouse, a little emotional venting in somewhat of complaining style. That's just how I felt when I got out of bed this morning, and I was blessed with a little quiet time to write. This evening I went to my Adoration hour. As I sat down, I said through my heart that felt weighed on by various and sundry, "Lord, I really want to hear your voice." I hesitated, like one (well, like me) trying to start a conversation, then grabbed my notebook in which I'd written my diatribe this morning. (I'd already thought better than to hand it on to dh as is.) I asked the Lord, "What do you think of this?" As I read it again, I had a very sharp feeling of exactly what the Lord thought of it. I had penned the Lord's thoughts toward me. It boiled down to this sentiment: "We go through life together, but sometimes I feel ignored by you. I want you to share your heart with Me like I matter."
In the quiet of the adoration chapel, I said out loud: "Wow."
I get so busy with nothing sometimes.
So I made a note to self in my same notebook: "Pursue poverty. Seek God's will. Do God's will. Don't do anything else."
It always seems so simple when you write it down.
What does "pursue poverty" mean to me right now? In practical terms, it means to ask God at various times throughout the day, "what do you want of me, Lord?" To examine my duty. To do just that. To set myself not to get emotionally flapped by other things, and to remove other things that suck up my time, causing me to get emotionally flapped and unavailable for the people in my life and my duty. To not waste time moaning about things I need to do, and just do them. But primarily, and most of all, to reckon my time God's. To give it all to Him, keeping none for myself. Kind of misleading, that could be, because when I seek to do things this way, I generally end up with free time, quiet time, and I'm much more at peace than when I try to steal minutes, hours, to entertain myself or what not.
So, that's my aim.