Monday, May 20, 2013

God is ALWAYS to be Trusted

So, back a couple posts I wrote about this novena to St. Therese I was doing. I was giving myself a little pep talk to persevere with it, and wrote this:

I think that's the way some things are in my life, too -- only God understands them. But He does all things well, and for His purposes. Absolutely nothing transpires in our lives apart from the will of God. We need only to align ourselves with rightly with God, and whether it makes sense during this life or not, His purposes will always prevail.
Well, I went back and re-read that several days after I finished the novena, and I had to sorta laugh to myself.  I should include the fact that I was slightly bummed when I finished this novena that I did not get the customary rose handed to me at its conclusion. Well, OK, Marie, don't get all silly about this... I told myself. But then I had to stop and think again. Maybe this time the "rose," the sign of my answered prayer, was gonna look different.

Because what happened in between time was that I've developed these lumps on my neck. To make a long story short, I've run the course of two meds, supposedly ruled out the possibility of a normal problem like an ear infection, and am now awaiting testing to find out if it might be something really nasty like cancer.

So, why am I laughing at that? Well, in part I laugh because I don't want to curl into fetal position and die. But it is also because I know, like rock-solid know, that absolutely nothing transpires in my life apart from the will of God. This last year (I am officially proclaiming) was the hardest, most painful, confusing, scary, bewildering spiritual path I have ever faced. Even though I knew God was leading me on it I also hated every minute of it, at least when I wasn't scared to death. Have you ever lived through hating something God was handing you? It makes life kinda hard.

But then all of a sudden, the pain is gone, and there's this silence, like between movements of music.

And then there's this.

And all of a sudden, having a doctor say "maybe... lymphoma" to me feels like a walk in the park.

Because I know better than I know my name that God knows my life more intimately than I do. I know nothing transpires apart from His will. I know, even, that crosses are royal blessings, given to those He desires to draw close to Him, and that I am unworthy of receiving them. I know that my life exists to glorify Him and love others. I know that suffering can be offered as prayer so that others can know God. I know that what I desire more than anything is the salvation of souls. My life does not belong to me, nor do my children's lives. All that I have and experience is a gracious gift from God.

God knows what He's doing. He is always to be trusted.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing.
Your writing has blessed me. You are in my prayers.

Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

Shauna said...

Prayers for restored health. Isn't it amazing how God can bring peace even in those dark, scary journeys.