Pregnancy is not discussed lightly in this household.
But this week, I've seen the evidence that we are at a much greater place of peace about any pregnancy potential. "Greater peace", of course, is a relative term.
Ok, spill the beans. This week I have been struggling through throwing up, perpetual nausea, bloating, diarrhea, fatigue and irritability. This cycle I started working with my Naturopath with some new supplements based on new lab results. So, the timing of this bit of whatever it has been could very well indicate pregnancy. It is just a shade too early to test reliably. Or, it could mean that I have a stomach bug. I thought it could mean that the supplements I'm taking are overacting, but that has pretty much been ruled out.
It is not poetic to say that I am being tormented by this hope. That position of peace I was talking about works so much more comfortably when there is no potential sign, no discussion of possibility, no imagining of hope, no suffering involved. No patience to be had, no civility to exercise, no life to carry on with regardless. No, dare I say, Triduum to wait through. Just spring the blessing on me without any guessing, or keep it forever away. That I can deal with. Maybe, maybe not: this sucks. This reminds me of my complete, utter, lack of control over God's amazing miracles. And my joy in the face of them. And my longing...
Pray for us, 'kay?
14 comments:
Yes, absolutely!
Done, and I'll continue! There's nothing to say to make this time any easier, but I'll hope with you--with tears in my eyes! I know this feeling only too well...
Marie - You're in my prayers. My eyes welled up with tears as I began reading your post. May this time of waiting go quickly for you.
Shauna
Prayers and hugs!!
THANK YOU, everyone for praying with us. It's hard to put into words at the moment, but it means a lot to have this difficult juncture shared beyond dh & myself.
Oh Marie,
I *know* of what you speak. I have been through this many times. The excitement is kinda wonderful but the hope overflows and, in my case, get's dashed against the rocks...and I feel as if it's me crashing against those rocks and the disappointment leaves me breathlessly sad. How perfectly put "tormented by hope'. I never thought about it that way but that is the perfect description.
You have my prayers. I will hope and pray that your Easter will bring you, not only the the newness of life in Christ but, God willing a new life 'in' you too!
Prayers and big hugs!!
Rachel
Oh that emotional rollercoaster!
Hope is so fragile, when it has been dashed often....... Hard it is, but I can't think of a better time, to enter the unknown, waiting in the dark with despair and hope battling, so to speak,and I am praying for you that the ressurection will bring you "Hope Fullfilled".
Hugs from me.
Lorna
I am actually - in this moment - in the exact same place as you.
But I say - if you are having those symptoms, perhaps it is not too early to test!
If you'd like to read my blog, reply to this comment with your email address and I can invite you.
God Bless You.
I will definitely remember you in my prayers!
LifeHopes: sure, I'd love to read your blog. I'm at
mom22miracles at gmail dot com
"Tormented by hope" - wow, that is the exact right phrase. Hang in there, Marie!!
You know, I have to wonder if you were taking Vitex. This exact thing happened to me this cycle and I had what I have had before(implantation spotting and pinching) and then a week late cycle. I was so, so sad when it arrived. I had 2 iffy tests and a faint positive. I am still taking Vitex, Vit. E, B6 and folic acid. I pray that God leads me to what I need to do. I did get pregnant using Clomid last year and it ended in miscarriage. I will pray for you. God bless!
Hi Thorn,
No, I was taking DHEA (tests showed my levels were low) and pregnenolone to help boost low progesterone. My ND believes that the combination gave me estrogen dominance, and that I need to switch to sublingual progesterone to boost those levels, that the pregnenolone was not doing that job well enough.
I've heard good things about vitex. I was on clomid for 30 cycles, from 2002-2005.
Thanks for sharing that. I've added you to my blogroll. Here's hope for us both!
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