Every Ending is a Beginning

My heart is full. Today was the major ending of my Spiritual Direction Formation Program. There are a few more minor endings; two more things to hand in, two more meetings. Then finalizing of grades in September and the graduation pilgrimage in October. But today was the last time for meeting as the large group online. The last formation sessions. The first goodbyes.

And one theme of the day was how every ending is a beginning. 

And like the program has been, consistently, there was the structured theme and the theme that bubbled up during the discussions. So much gratitude. So many reports of how the course has absolutely transformed lives and has ran parallel to huge life upheavals.

During these two years (26 months, if you count from the time of my initial interview for joining), I've experienced a lot of endings and beginnings, none of which I saw coming. As I've been saying to my cohort for the last few months, there has been the formation course, and then there's been the Lord's formation work. Today I heard that this was a common experience for many. In May of 2024 I would not have believed that my journey would have taken the path that it has. But for both the sorrows and joys of it, I am extremely grateful. The Lord looked at my life and smiled and set about a process of transformation that I could not have dreamed up, even though I see all of my dreams reflected in it. For me it has been proof that He knows me, that He is good, that He is all powerful, and that He sees the burdens I have struggled to carry without yielding to His help for way, way, way too long. 

One thing stated today that more or less cinched up everything for me was this statement about what Carmelite spiritual direction is: It isn't about helping someone figure out which path to take. It is about unveiling the One who leads. Once you see the One who leads, you don't need the map. You trust the One who is leading. 

And that is where I am. Spatially, on the map of my life, to be honest, there's plenty I don't see about exactly where I am going. But I know Who is leading the way. And my job is to sing along with the Sister Act choir -- I Will Follow Him. No matter where He goes. No matter what it asks of me. No matter what anyone else thinks of it. I Will Follow Him. That is true freedom. And that is the only way to accompany people, because that frees me to walk with anyone the Lord brings to me in whatever way He is leading them. 

To journey with people from all over the world, under the leadership of an incredibly faith-filled group of Carmelite friars has been a particular gift. I love my adopted hometown of Steubenville, but it has been a real growth opportunity to have imput from outside of this Catholic bubble. It is wonderful to know that for as long as I've lived in my neighborhood, most of my neighbors have been Catholic and would pray for me in any need. But it is also a joy and a deep, cleansing breath to know that the Holy Spirit is so much bigger than the Us Four and No More feeling a local community can become over the course of years. It has reminded me that the presence of God is not dependent on only certain people or relationships. 

It is easy for me to grieve endings rather than see them as beginnings of a new stage. Life has taught me that. But God has taught me that hope is a theological virtue -- a supernatural gift of God oriented towards what He has in store. A vulnerable stance before new life, in new vistas. "Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than we can ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." (Eph. 3:20-21)