Writing about Writing

I'm spending some days away at a monastery on a kind of working retreat. It's an intensive training, really, formation in spiritual direction. I'm working towards certification to become a spiritual director. Since writing is such a huge way for me to process what's happening interiorly, I want to engage thoughts as they are fresh, here.

At this very moment I don't have a lot of time, so just one preliminary thought. 

Yesterday one of the sessions was about the requirement to keep a learning journal. The process was explained to us thusly. As we do spiritual reading, or listen to a talk, we should first note what strikes, puzzles, repels, or draws me. Then, ask, why is that happening. The next step, which may very well happen later, and my actually happen while writing about it, is the "Oh, now I get it" moment; piecing together why exactly that stirring is happening and what it is saying to me.

In my notes, I simply called number three the "naru hodo" moment. 

And I realize I have been doing this for almost 20 years on this blog. 

The presenter went on to give various points to remember, including: be as honest as you can; don't worry about feeling like you can't write or don't have anything to say at the moment; don't fear navel gazing; this is a form of conversation between you and God; face your fear of exposure, or use that as a starting point. (And through these I was interiorly nodding, saying, yep, extremely familiar territory).

But the main point she made was, remember that the purpose of doing this is to grow in being responsive to God. And to allow God to love you through writing.

I have sometimes dismissed the idea of writing as a form of prayer, even though I do do this from time to time. I dismissed it because it felt so natural, so easy. I am realizing that I have a habitual tendency to carry around heavier weights than is necessary. To feel that virtue lies in constant struggle and difficulty. Certainly there is a virtue involved in activating my will, but I see it's possible to get this out of whack. I think I'll be getting this put back in whack.

Writing has helped me get in touch with my own heart since I was a child. I have also had many "naru hodo" moments of understanding better what the Holy Spirit is saying, or at least in making room to hear. But my primary life relationship is with God, not with my anxiety or even with myself. I see this shifting also.

Time to go to the next session.