The Gospel Has Eyes

Today is Sunday. I went to Mass this morning with this prayer: to find God's gaze on me in His Word. 

This book that I love so much, The Impact of God: Soundings from St. John of the Cross by Fr. Iain Matthew, OCD, has as the title of chapter of chapter five "The Gospel Has Eyes." This expression has helped my heart so frequently. As I have noted elsewhere, I could quote huge chunks of this book, but here is the heart of the topic:

The gospel has eyes -- 'the eyes I long for so', John calls them -- and the point comes on the journey where the bride meets those eyes which had long been looking on: 'It seems to her that he is now always gazing upon her.' It is a moment of exposure, as she finds herself a factor in another's life and heart... It has been said that 'a person is enlightened', not 'when they get an idea', but 'when someone looks at them'. A person is enlightened when another loves them. The eyes are windows on to the heart; they search the person out and have power to elicit life... Christianity is an effect, the effect of a God who is constantly gazing at us, whose eyes anticipate, radiate, penetrate and elicit beauty. (p. 28)

"Christianity is an effect, the effect of a God who is constantly gazing at us." Yes, that's what my heart was calling out from this morning. Lord, you are gazing at me. I need to catch your gaze. My heart, my whole being, needs the life-giving joy of catching your gaze on me. 

I pre-read the Scripture readings and listened attentively and was reminded how one listens actively, hungrily, like when I'm with someone and I want them to hear some truth coming from someone else and I'm eager for every word that comes out, in hopes that it is going to make a great penetration...

But as it often happens, it wasn't the Scripture reading where I caught the gaze. It was a hymn we sang based on Psalm 139. It was in fact the same psalm, the same song, played and sung by the same musician who played for my son's baptism almost twenty years ago. I've been thinking about my son's baptism a lot lately, perhaps about all of our baptisms. How we are given so much. How we need to learn to receive. How so much gets in the way. When I was my son's age, I had actually repudiated my baptism. I was theologically confused, had joined a church my aunt thought was some kind of cult, and was mixed up frankly with an addicted con man who was more than twice my age as his side-chick. It's funny how my life has only looked (to me) like a total diarrhea-production in hindsight. 

When I walk or lie down, you are before me

with love everlasting, you besiege me

You are with me beyond my understanding
God of my present, my past and future, too

Although your Spirit is upon me
Still I search for shelter from your light
There is nowhere on Earth I can escape you
Even the darkness is radiant in your sight

Safe in your hands, all creation is made new

God is the one. He alone has been my Savior, He alone has kept me safe, despite my numerous very foolish steps. And this promise is for me, and for my children, and for those who are far off. 

And Christianity is an effect, the effect of God who is constantly gazing at us. As Psalm 33 says, from his dwelling place, God gazes on all the dwellers on the earth. For all of us who are baptized, his dwelling place is within us. 

Let us hear this call to enter the castle, the mansion, the dwelling of God. Meet his gaze, and enter into his rest.